David's Worst Insult

A string of insults is running around on the internet. David Sampson enjoyed them, but still recalls the worst insult his father, Uncle Gene, ever delivered to him: When insults had class! These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; Bring a friend, if you have one." George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend second .......................If there is one." Winston Churchill, in response. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." · "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." · "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow · "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx.

David says:  I loved those! It reminds me of the time in 1963 when I was having dinner with my Mom and Dad and [former wife] Sandy when I had just returned to college and had selected pre-law as my major at the first of fall quarter. Anyway, we were drinking and engaging in a typical Sampson debate about politics, and I made a particularly telling point, virtually skewering the argument my dad had been making – this, of course, caused my mom and Sandy to laugh uproariously as there was little in the world more pleasurable than besting my dad in any kind of a debate.

As the laughter died down, my dad then responded with a knowing nod of his head in acquiescence with my point. “My, my, my; pretty good for an embryonic lawyer!” To my chagrin, mom and Sandy laughed even harder to that than they had before. Of course, my dad as well as I laughed long and hard also.